Research shows that the ability to defer gratification is the secret to success. But what if it actually makes you unhappy?
I’ve always struggled with looking ahead. On the one hand, it’s fun to plan out long term ideas and goals. I love that sort of thing (being the analytical and designing sort of person that I naturally am).
But it robs me of so much opportunity to live in the present.
For example, I regularly catch myself assuming that I’m waiting to begin my “fun” everyday life once I’ve got my business running smoothly. Or once I’ve sorted out some other corner of my life to my satisfaction.
Unless I’m very deliberate about it, that’s going to carry on forever. And I’ll never “arrive”.
So I reckon I need to change how I think about this.
What if I let go of everything else for a while… Make my only aim in life to enjoy today?
Not make a dent in the world. Not achieve some big goal decades in the future. Not build up to a time when I have enough money, time, experience, skills, or whatever to take the next step I’ve been dreaming of.
I don’t even need to get the current situation running smoothly. I can let it continue to be imperfect and uncertain.
As soon as I articulate that idea to myself I can see it’s so simple and powerful. But so easy to lose sight of in the noise and commotion that surrounds me in the modern world.
And my mind immediately rebells.
It tries to find excuses why this won’t work. Can’t work.
It tells me there must be huge problems with this attitude that I’ve somehow overlooked.
Often I give in. But I’m not going to listen to that today.
Instead, I’m going to deliberately dive in further and dig deep into the potential benefits. Repeat them to myself to help them stick more firmly in the future:
I recognise that I can be perfectly happy with what I have right now. I realise that it’s enough. It’s always capable of being enough.
I can choose to enjoy each and every walk I take — even if it’s just to get me from A to B in the course of a busy day. I can choose to enjoy that time with whoever I’m chatting to. Whatever food I’m eating.
But this isn’t merely about being in the present moment.
It’s about recognising that I have the power to shape large chunks of my current routine so that a normal, average day becomes a complete and satisfying thing in itself.
When I ask “What I can do that’s fun and good today?” I realise there’s always something there.
I highly recommend doing the same.
It gets you into this state where the core of your day is a mindful choice you’ve made for pleasant and meaningful things.
This means you’ve got good stuff happening every day. And you get a glow of satisfaction from exercising your agency to choose that good stuff yourself. Double whammy!
When my current reality isn’t enough is when I’m thinking about how I could have something more or different in the future.
Just to be clear, I’m not looking to block myself off from achieving more in the future. (In fact, achieving more often emerges naturally when I’m genuinely living in the moment)
But when this focus on ‘more’ crowds out appreciation of the present then it causes problems. It leads me to label the present situation as “not ok”.
When I only see what we have now and accept it I get to enjoy it and savour it. I get to carve away the unnecessary bits (both physical parts of life, and my own emotions and unhelpful reactions to things). That leaves me with simplicity and joy today.
I can just settle into things. Bathe in the simple activities that are going on right now and know that they are an end in themselves. No longer thinking about doing them in order to get somewhere. But just doing them for their own sake and enjoying that act.
Here’s what I want to say to myself. Over and over again:
You don’t have to sacrifice the future. You can still aim to get somewhere different. Look to enjoy the journey and all that.
But don’t — whatever you do — pay for it by sacrificing today. Because today is all you really ever have.
And if you don’t learn to enjoy today right now, then what do you think will happen when you reach the future? That’s another today — and you’ll do the same again.
Imagine you were forced to repeat today over and over again for all eternity. Would you be happy?
If not, then think how you can change your attitudes and your activities to make it so.