Lately, I’ve been feeling much more content. Not quite as though I’ve found my place in the universe — but maybe a small step in that direction.
For a long time, I thought this would come when I found my “mission” in life and became fully engaged with acting on it. When I stopped refusing the call to adventure and threw myself into whatever my “destiny” was, no matter how hard.
But my contentment hasn’t come from ticking those boxes — I haven’t got any new-found clarity on “mission” or “destiny” or any of that. Rather, it’s because I’m simply not so bothered anymore whether I find those sort of “answers”. I’m happy merely bumbling along from day to day with no special sense of motivation or engagement. Not doing much more than curiously waiting around to see whether something’s going to turn up or not.
So how is this progress? Doesn’t it mean I’ve given up and checked out from life?
On the contrary… Now that I’ve stopped stressing over having everything under control and totally sorted out, I’m much more engaged about living every tiny moment to its fullest. Because, let’s face it, no-one’s got it all figured out. So I think the biggest blockage is pretending to yourself that you do.
It can seem like you’re stretching to achieve greater clarity and insight when you do this. But really, you’re just choosing to lie to yourself.
Instead, I’m happy to be in this place of uncertainty. I’m sitting here enjoying the moment and being much more fully in the present (nowhere near totally there, of course. That would be full-on enlightenment). And I’m willing to let the big picture slide. Simply be who I want to be (and make myself proud) in each passing moment.
I guess I’m finally taking a couple of steps towards embracing the paradox I’ve been grappling with for years now. To both care intensely about what you’re doing and put your full focus and effort into it… And yet also not give a single, solitary crap about it at the same time.
This is not some fantastic new discovery of mine, of course. It’s been communicated over and over again down the ages by those with deep wisdom. So I’ve ‘known’ it for a while but didn’t even begin to apply it in a “lived” sense until now.
A lot of those who’ve communicated this are big names in various philosophical and spiritual traditions. But I rather like the way Bruce Springsteen put it. Let’s hear his take:
“You hold contradictory ideas in your mind without going nuts. To do my job right, when I walk onstage I’ve got to feel it’s the most important thing in the world. Also I’ve got to feel it’s only rock & roll. Somehow you’ve got to believe both those things.”
How to do this?
It comes down to nothing more than separating the process from the outcome.
You give your full attention, focus and effort to the process. Engage in the details of what you’re doing with care and love.
But you don’t attach any value to the result. Let the outcome go entirely.
You don’t want to be looking ahead and judging success or failure by what you end up with. That’s beyond your control. Simply stick with the process in the present moment and let that be enough for you.
I’ve known and (mostly) acted on this in the little things for some while now. But I’m only just starting to manage to apply it to the bigger sweep of life as a whole. So far, I like it.
A lot.